


Beyond Ordinary Human Understanding

by Lisalicious



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst and Feels, Injury Recovery, M/M, Not from Crowley, see notes - Freeform, snakebite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2019-12-10
Packaged: 2021-02-24 15:54:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21740503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lisalicious/pseuds/Lisalicious
Summary: Crowley finds something Aziraphale has kept hidden for over a century.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 81





	Beyond Ordinary Human Understanding

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Davechicken](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/gifts).



> The fic is rated Teen because Aziraphale talks about when he had a run-in with a real snake in the late 1800s, so there is mentioned medical treatments of the time. I do not go into specific detail. But if you don't care for real snakes, snakebites, or the thought of how snakebites used to be treated, then be warned about reading this. 
> 
> Also, there is reference to medicinal drug use, again only mentioned, and it was specific to the treatment of the fore mentioned snakebite.
> 
> Special thanks to @Davechicken for the beta (Yes, the fic was written for DC, but DC is awesome, and has great advice when I'm stuck on something, and really awesome at editing) :*

"Angel, what is that?"

Aziraphale froze. He had been careful up to that point, keeping the mark on his wrist hidden from Crowley because he wasn't ready to explain. He wasn't even sure he could explain. 

It was something he'd done nearly one hundred twenty five years ago, back when they weren't in contact. While it wasn't something he actually regretted, it was something he'd kept hidden under his many layers of clothes. Even when they were intimate he'd made sure his inner wrist stayed out of sight.

"Oh, my dear, it's... It's not anything for you to worry about."

"But... It's..." He took Zira's hand and lifted it to take a better look. His touch was gentle and his eyes glistened just a bit. "When did you?"

Zira looked away for a moment, and readied himself for a rather uncomfortable exchange because he figured it wouldn't do to keep the secret any longer.

"It was... 1896."

Crowley's eyes widened because he knew to some slight extent what that meant. "Around the time you were..."

"In America, yes. I... You know that my ability to heal had been suspended and at the time I was on a mission to bless a rancher in the Western Frontier." He'd told him that much at least, and that he had been injured because of it. He had never gone into detail about what happened, but he knew it was time to come clean. 

"I... I believe they were trying to humble me or, well, I'm not entirely certain what their precise motives were, but... I... I had been posing a traveling evangelist. It was beautiful out there, miles and miles of rolling hills, very warm.

"There had been another evangelist traveling in the area; he was a very interesting young man and he had a lot of very good ideas when it came to faith and believing in Her. We ended up staying at the same ranch briefly, and one afternoon he and I were having a discussion regarding what Her plans for the world were while we were walking through one of our host's grazing pastures.

"I... I didn't see it, the scrub grass was very thick and it was hidden so well, you see, and it... I..."

He fell silent, completely ashamed of what he had allowed to happen to him. But then there was a warm hand taking his and lifting it so the offending spot could be brushed by lips. He almost couldn’t take the look of concern and compassion in his beloved's eyes.

"What didn't you see, angel?"

"A rattlesnake. I... I nearly stepped on it. I didn't even have time to register what the noise could be before-"

"It bit you? Angel, why didn't you... You... You thought it was me, didn't you?"

That was even more painful than the thought of being bitten by the snake, or, in fact, just plain being bitten by the snake.

"No, Crowley, you are not a rattlesnake. Your appearance is a mixture of King Cobra and Red-Bellied Black Snake, and you most decidedly do not have a rattle appendage at the end of your tail. And even before those recognitions, I knew that it was not you."

"Then why didn't you tell me?"

"I... I was embarrassed that I even allowed myself to be bitten. I had been your friend for six thousand years, and I was so careless that I didn't... I wasn't able to avoid it. It shouldn't have even happened."

And there was that compassion again, and Zira wanted to pull his hand back from Crowley's grip. He wanted to huff and get out of bed and storm into the bathroom, or something. Why was Crowley being so damned understanding?

"Angel... It... It wasn't your fault."

"But-"

"No, it doesn't matter which angels from the head office told you otherwise. Things happen. To everyone and everything. And if they had taken away your ability to heal then maybe some of your other senses were muted, too." 

He didn't have a rebuttal to that, and if he was honest, he was not one bit surprised at the possibility that it wasn't just miracle healing that had been taken from him at the time. It was even possible that the snake had been put in his path on purpose.

"So... That's how you were injured, but it doesn't explain this." He referred to the thing on his wrist; the thing that resulted from part of what he felt was the worst time of his existence. 

"The whole ordeal is part of the reasoning behind it, my love." He waited for Crowley to question or interject again, but when the demon remained silent Aziraphale ventured on. "As I implied, I was bitten, and since I didn't have the ability to heal myself or cast out the venom I was forced to endure it. If I had been out there on my own it is quite possible I wouldn't have survived, but the other evangelist was with me. He... He did the normal triage medical practices of the time, and he retrieved a horse to carry me back to the main ranch house. The pain was excruciating, and I lost consciousness before we made it back.

"I shifted between unconsciousness and delirium for what they told me was about three days, it felt like the whole of eternity so far, and during that time I was aware of three things: pain, an extremely muddled fog, and you."

"Me?" Crowley asked in open confusion. "But I was..."

"Here, asleep in your flat, yes, I know."

"But you thought I was there?"

"I was rather certain of it, yes. I know part of it was the delirium, and they kept me quite heavily sedated with laudanum so I could sleep through the pain. I... You talked to me, brushed the hair back from my forehead, told me that you were going to take care of me and keep me safe. It felt like you never left my side... Until I finally awoke, and I asked for you."

"Oh, angel!" He sounded as anguished as Zira remembered feeling himself. 

He had, for a few wonderful moments, believed that Crowley had come for him, that the Holy Water incident had been put behind them, and that he would never have to be alone again. But he wasn't truly there, and it absolutely crushed him.

"I was still quite ill, and the local doctor advised strongly against it, but I went to the nearby town, and I booked a seat on the train back east. I just couldn’t stay, not without you there. Being an angel, I fared better than most anyone else would traveling in that condition, but I was not well and lost in a state of deep melancholy, and I... I missed you so terribly… "

"So you... Got a tattoo?"

He nodded defeatedly. "In New York City while I waited for a ship back to England. As I said before, I was not well, and I was definitely not in my right mind, and I... I wanted... I wanted to... I needed to do something."

"But, angel! You got a tattoo... Of my sigil."

"I... I missed you!" he choked out as he began to sob. "I missed you!.. So much! And... And I... I... Thought I wwwwould n-n-never ssssseee you again!"

Then there were arms pulling him close, tucking his head under his chin, gentle kisses to his hair while he sobbed out the pain and fear he had felt for so long. And Crowley just murmured quiet words of comfort and love and he held him through it.

It took Zira a while to calm down enough so he would be able to speak again. He thought Crowley might not think it necessary, but the angel needed to explain for himself, as much as for the demon.

"I wanted something that would... Would keep you close to me so I wouldn't feel so alone."

“But, angel… If… if They had seen it…”

“I know, but I… Well, I kept it hidden, and this is the first time you found it. And I had every chance to miracle it away, but I… It was my only connection to you for a time, so I wanted it to stay.”

The demon swallowed thickly and tried to work through his own emotions. "Did it help?"

"Sometimes seeing it would help me feel a little bit braver, but I still missed you so terribly."

"I missed you, too… I just... why didn't you tell me about it?"

"I feared you might find my actions pathetic. I... Treated you poorly, and refused to admit there was ever more than an Arrangement between us, so getting a tattoo of your true name on my wrist?"

"It's beautiful, angel! And I... I would have been so touched. I... You know, I always..." He broke off momentarily with a sob-laugh. "I have always loved you, and it would have just... Let me know in another way that you loved me, too."

"Yes, I... I always have. I'm sorry that it took so long for me to... To stop hiding it or denying it."

"It's alright. Just promise me one thing, will you?"

Zira smiled softly and pushed himself back enough to look up at Crowley.

"Anything, dear boy."

"Promise me that you won't keep anymore secrets."

"I promise, and if I come across ones from the past, I will tell you about them."

***

Crowley had already been gone for a number of hours, and Zira closed and tidied the shop for the night. It was really a matter of just waiting for the demon's return that had the angel bustling around and putting books back on the shelves, otherwise he would have left everything as it already was.

The angel was not sure where the demon might have gone, or why. He had only said he would be back to walk him home, and Zira wiggled at the very thought.

He was elbow deep in his quite extensive collection of Fly Fishing books and manuals (a collection he knew he must propagate when he came across an advertisement from an author looking for a specific book anywhere. Now he had the most extensive collection on the subject in the whole of London) when he heard the bell on his door jingle.

“Angel?” Crowley yelled from the front of the shop.

“I’m back here, dearest!” he called in response. He snapped and the organizing job he had been doing by hand was miracled done so he could join his husband. “I am just putting the fly fishing books back in order.”

“Why do you even have ‘fly fishing books’ angel?” his demon drawled when he appeared between the shelves.

"There was a need for the subject material in the city, and a severe lack of availability, so I took it upon myself to fix that."

Crowley squinted at him. "How did you find out about this 'need'?"

"It, ah, came up somewhere, and was relevant for my… occupation..."

"Uh huh, and when there was an open request for one, single book, you decided you needed to have all the books you could find? A request that was clearly a publicity and advertising stunt, not a real market-based demand?"

His cheeks colored, and he floundered over how he could explain that it was completely necessary. But then the distraction of Crowley's afternoon disappearance took precedence.

"What did you do while you were out, dear boy?" he asked as he walked up to kiss his demon's cheek, and he smiled when said cheeks colored as a result.

"I, uh... I got a surprise for you."

"Oh?"

Crowley took his hand and lifted it so he could kiss the tattoo like he did whenever he got the chance since he found it weeks earlier, and Zira flustered like he always did whenever Crowley kissed it.

"Uh, yeah." Zira expected him to dig in one of his pockets when he let go of his hand, instead the demon turned his own hand over and offered it to him. "It's... Here."

The angel blinked down at the offered hand, very confused, until he noticed a small touch of black that peeked out from under his sleeve. His gaze snapped up to Crowley's as he took hold of his hand and pushed the sleeve up and out of the way.

"Crowley... This... This is the seal from my ring."

"It's... You don't have a sigil, but you have this, so I thought..."

"Yes, the, ah, Archangels decided that they were the only ones important enough to have sigils, so, I... I chose this. It... You got it tattooed on your wrist?"

"So I could keep you close when we're not together, and have one to match yours, and... They can touch while we hold hands walking home."

"Oh, Crowley!" There were tears in his eyes as he pulled him down to kiss him fiercely, and he hopefully let his demon feel the love and gratitude that was overwhelming him at the moment.

"I take it that means you like your surprise, angel?" the demon asked when he pulled back.

"Yeah," he sobbed. "I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I'm wonderfully glad that I do have you."

“You were just… You, Aziraphale. Now are you ready to walk home?”

He glanced at the shelf where the books were now in order, and then back at his waiting demon and nodded up at him. “Yes, my dearest.” And he took his hand making sure their tattoos were pressed together as they walked to the front of the store.

**Author's Note:**

> So... We all know that the Archangels suck in this universe, and I have a whole slew of headcanons regarding how they treated Aziraphale (terribly) so I totally think they would take his ability to heal himself and others away (along with other aspects of his powers) as a lesson to get him to fall in line.
> 
> Also, Laudanum is an opiate medicine that contains literally all the opioids. (How is that possible? Take powdered opium and mix it with other stuff, and BAM you got laudanum) It was used for a wide range of medical conditions but mostly for treating pain and as a cough suppressant, and it could be bought over the counter at the time it was used in this story.
> 
> The name of this fic is #6 on dictionary.com's definition of secret.


End file.
